


I'm not letting go

by Pearlislove



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/referenced blood and injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-11-13 04:25:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11176989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pearlislove/pseuds/Pearlislove
Summary: "Bill, I am not letting go." His arms wound around her slim frame, so tight it almost hurt, but feeling big and strong and secure, and she so want to believe him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A weird little short fic I wrote at like 1 AM when I felt like it. No real plot or anything, just some angst.

"Bill, I am not letting go." His arms wound around her slim frame, so tight it almost hurt, but feeling big and strong and secure, and she so want to believe him.   
  
But she is sitting on the cold TARDIS floor, the grating rough against her unprotected calfs, and her body is trapped between The Doctor's cold body and the wall. She is freezing, whether from fear or the coldness of the floor and the wall and The Doctor, and trying desperately to suppress the little shivers running down her spine so that The Doctor wouldn’t notice. They were in such close proximity that every little movement was felt by the other.   
  
She want him to let her go. To run around and laugh and mock and actually try to fix things, instead of cradling her in his arms like a baby  and stubbornly pressing her face against his chest where she could not see what was happening on the other side of The Doctor's protecting body.   
  
"Whatever happens, I am here. I am not going to leave you alone."   
  
His voice is choked and raspy and she thinks maybe he is running out of air because his breathing is slowing down, becoming shallow and thin, and so is the beating of his earlier frantically beating hearts. Only it doesn't make sense because she is breathing the same air and she doesn't struggle to breath at all, her heart still beating strong.   
  
She is scared. Terrified, even, that something is very wrong and that The Doctor is trying to shield her from it because he doesn't want her to know.   
  
"Doctor, please let me go. I want to know what's going on." She pleads to him, her own voice barely above a whisper, squeezing her arms around his waist despite what she just told him, because she liked to hold on to people when she's scared.   
  
The Doctor doesn't answer her. Moments pass, and she can still feeling him holding on, but he's not saying or doing anything and she knows, that this is her confirmation, The Doctor’s silent admittance that something had gone wrong, because he could never admit weakness or defeat when speaking.   
  
She squeeze his waist again, about to whisper something soothing - maybe tell him it was going to be okay even though she knew it was probably a lie - but then she suddenly feels something warm in the middle of all the cold, coming from The Doctors waist and landing on her fragile hands. It's a liquid, sticky and burning hot and spilling all over her limbs as she keeps holding on tight to the Time Lord who'd promised to never let her go.   
  
She knows what it is and why it's warm before she actually knows and when she cracks her eyes, which she doesn't remember closing, open, she can see the strong red colour on her shaking arms and it's all she needs to truly realise the truth.   
  
Things are so very wrong but not in the way she thought and tears are running down her cheeks as she close her eyes again and put her head back against his chest. There are no heartbeats and no breaths left in his empty ribcage but she burrows her head against it anyway, letting what is still left of the greatest man she had ever known lean against her the way she had always used to lean against him.   
  
She refuses to let go of him for a long time, staying put where she was. She doesn't react when Nardole finally enters the TARDIS and doesn't remember what he screams, she just knows that it won't help and that there is but one thing left to do, and that is to not let go.   
  
The Doctor had promised not to let her go, and she wasn’t going to let him go, either.   
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You asked for it, and here it comes. I'm not letting go, from the perspective of The Doctor.

"I'm going to get Bill!" He exclaimed, getting up from the safety of the shelter before Nardole can stop him, as he very well know he would.   
  
"But sir!" Nardole protests, one hand reaching out to grab onto him. The attempt is half-hearted, because he knows he can't stop The Doctor and has to trust in his judgement.   
  
The Doctor doesn't care. He only cares that he left Bill alone in the TARDIS in the middle of an active battlefield and had she been like all his other companions, it wouldn't have been a problem, but she wasn’t. No, she wasn't like anyone of them and instead of sneaking along she'd actually stayed put when he roared for her to do so.   
  
It doesn't take very long for the blue police box to come into sight, it's doors wide-open to the raging battle field.   
  
He swore. Quickly, feet hitting against the ground harder with every step, he runs towards the vehicle, all but throwing himself inside through the open doors.    
  
His eyes scan the room faster than his brain can process, looking for Bill desperately before finally spotting her. She is sitting curled up in the captain's chair by the console, curled up and trying to hide from the two fighting armies that are slowly coming closer.   
  
Glancing back, The Doctor sees doors to the TARDIS are still not closed, and outside the sound of battle is growing louder as the Aphyarians are pushed closer to the western defense line by the enemy Piryotios.   
  
Making a split decision as he hears a battle horn blowing all too close, he throws himself against Bill, grabbing her by the arms and holding her pinned against his chest as he dragged her with him down to the floor. He can feel her fighting wildly to be freed, and he sends a message out to the TARDIS   
  
Remove all sounds from outside and close the doors   
  
The TARDIS only seems to be half listening, for the doors stay open, but everything does falls silent, and The Doctor can't help but regard it as a small victory. With the sounds of battle removed, Bill is marginally less stressed, and he clutched her harder as he can tell from memory that the soldiers would rapidly be approaching their location.   
  
They didn't have much time, and he needed to do something, but now that he'd come this far, he was stumped. He'd thought he could just whisk them away in his time and space machine, bringing  Bill along to get Nardole and then leave it all behind. But he couldn't, not when the TARDIS was only half-listening to his commands, it was too risky.   
  
But he knows what is happening next, knows how the battle will end because he's been there before, and at once he suddenly knows it's too late for anything but prairies.    
  
The differences between before and after the gunshots entered the TARDIS sound barriers is very little. Only too late does The Doctor remember how Piryotios perfected silent guns that gave the enemy no warning, and by the it is alright.   
  
Burning hot pain flares in his abdomen and sides as the shots hit him, and his body is thrown forward by the force, Bill becoming a cushion between him and the wall as he struggles to right himself.    
  
He needs to say something. The pain makes it hard to focus, but he push out something anyway because he can't stay quiet. "Bill, I am not letting go." He says, hoping to be comforting as the pain continued to burn inside him, spreading and increasing.   
  
Bill doesn’t seem to be listening, or care, her body shivering and her head trying to stick out from behind his shoulder as though it will calm her fears. He doesn't let her, putting it back against his chest and praying that it will be enough to protect her.   
  
More shots fire, quiet but deadly as they hit against his body and chest, enfolding the already existing pains and almost taking his breath away.    
  
"Whatever happens, I am here. I am not going to let you go." He thinks it's a lie, but he's shivering so badly and is so close to breaking his promise and actually abandoning Bill. It's becoming harder and harder to breath, and his voice will barely carry but he need to convince.   
  
Never let on the damage.   
  
"Doctor, please let go. I want to know what's going on." Her voice is pleading, but he can feel her arms squeezing his waist tightly nonetheless. He want to give her some kind of answer but his mind is slipping as the pain becomes too much and breathing becomes too hard and he knows, oh he knows, that this is the end.

 

There is no regeneration, only pain and misery and darkness as he fight for the last thing he got left to save:

  
Bill.


End file.
